if the world is going to end, I need to tell you some things

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Crazy people think the world is ending tomorrow.  They’ve never been right before, but I figure, why waste a perfectly good opportunity to tell secrets and air grievances, right?  RIGHT. So pour yourself an adult beverage and let’s begin. Try not to judge me too harshly, ok?

Let’s start out with some easy ones:

  • I love canned whipped cream.  The actual whipped cream part, not the nitrous oxide, I swear. A can of whipped cream lasts maaaaaybe 36 hours in my house. MAYBE. I will continually wander over to the fridge, up-end the can and spray sugary processed white joy into my mouth with utter abandon. There is no bad time for canned whipped cream. Which is exactly why I don’t buy it except on rare occasions.
  • I would eat pizza once a day, every day, and twice a day on weekends, if I could. Standards apply, of course. I’m not talking like $3.99 frozen pizzas. But decent gas-station pizza? Oh, it’s ON.
  • I talk to my dog constantly. That in and of itself isn’t so bad, but I also do the dog’s part of the conversation back to me in dog-voice. If my husband and I are both home, we take turns doing dog-voice. If the dog ever grows thumbs, we’re totally done for.

Now, some less easy ones:

  • I’m pretty sure most people that say they like me really just feel sorry for me. I don’t feel like I’m a particularly pitiable case or anything, but for some reason I just can’t ever quite believe that most of my friends would actually want to talk to me or hang out with me if given another alternative.
  • I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I’m almost 36, so this one is starting to become kind of a problem.
  • I am super duper afraid that I’m wasting my life.  I struggle with feeling like nothing I do is ever enough to live up to the fact that this is IT, you know? This is the only time I’m going to get. Am I using it well enough? It’s a scary question, at least for me.

And finally, here’s a video of my dog licking almond butter off a spoon as a bit of a palate cleanser for anyone who made it this far:

6 thoughts on “if the world is going to end, I need to tell you some things”

  1. “believe that most of my friends would actually want to talk to me or hang out with me if given another alternative.”

    I totally feel the same way. I feel pretty lame and uninteresting most of the time.

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  3. I also love whipped cream to an un-okay degree, USED to love pizza (paleo cured me), and definitely meow to my cat more often than is necessary.

    I, at least, enjoy your internet persona very much and would love to meet up someday and be Real Life Friends, so I seriously doubt people are pretending to like you. As far as wasting your life… remember the sea gulls? Remember how I spent like 2 hours on a beach watching them just stand around and wondering WTF IS LIFE AS A SEA GULL, ANYWAY? Life just IS man, it doesn’t have to BE anything, thus you don’t have to be anything or do anything specific. Last year I made ‘enough’ my ‘word of the year’ to live by: knowing when I’ve had enough to eat, when I’ve done enough for the day, and accepting that I AM enough exactly as I am.

    It’s weirdly not easy, but it’s all in your frame of mind.

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    • Life definitely just IS, and sometimes I have no trouble accepting that. Other times, the What If monster takes over. What if I was meant to be an astrophysicist? What if I’d make a SUPER good wedding photographer? What if my true calling is to make those beer-can airplanes and sell them at flea markets and live out of a camper? I’m poking a little fun but the world is such a big place and there are so many OPTIONS, you know? What if I’m missing something way better, you know?

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