We had this lunch conference at work today.
Well, I say “we”, but nobody mentioned it to me until I was already warming up my leftovers from home, so I’m filing that under my not being invited and I therefore did not partake.
ANYWAY.
So, the place where the food came from always includes a load of cookies…REALLY GOOD cookies…when they cater a lunch for us. Usually when we have one of these things, it’ll be like an hour of people yakking in the conference room, then they’ll all eat, then they’ll fuck off back to their desks and leave the leftovers for us admin peons. So even though I didn’t partake of the lunch proper, I had a pretty reasonable expectation of being able to scam some of those fantastic cookies after everyone cleared out and went back downstairs.
Except, today, the people putting on the conference hung around.
And hung around.
And hung. The fuck. Around.
Every time they moved around in there I’d perk up and think “ooh, this is it! Cookie time soon!” BUT NO. They would settle back down and talk more. I’ve been waiting for my cookie opportunity for MULTIPLE HOURS while these dicks sit around jawing about who even knows what. Nothing important, that’s for damn sure.
It’s now 3:40pm EST and they are FINALLY starting to pack stuff up in the conference room and move toward getting the hell out. Hooray! COOKIE TIME, YES?
Uhh, no. Because you know what happened? My boss gave the leftovers to the lady who put on the conference.
INCLUDING THE MOTHER FUCKING COOKIES.
ADLKH OIJLKJFS SLKJSF DLKJSLD (insert image of me foaming at the mouth)
Literally all I wanted out of today was some of those cookies. Granted, I didn’t know the cookies were even going to be a thing until 12:30, but still. I looked forward to those damn cookies all afternoon.
You know what he said to the lady?
“Here, why don’t you take these cookies home, no one here will eat them.”
No one! No one will eat them! COOKIES! Are you MAD, sir? Have you taken a turn? DID YOUR MOMMA DROP YOU ON YOUR HEAD AS A BABY?!
Needless to say, I’m very disappointed.
And I’m probably going to buy cookies on the way home from work.
How Bad Can It Go? 
I feel your pain. Normally in situations such as you described, not only are the cookies gone, but they leave the dregs behind, not for us admin peons to eat, but expecting us to CLEAN UP. The entirety of my tenure here (going on 16 years) I have patently refused to do things like make coffee or clean up–as in both cases, I am consuming neither, and my usual comment (which I say somewhat loud enough for others to hear) is along the lines of why are we cleaning up? Is it because we have uteruses? Also: I totally empathize on the part of being excluded too. So fuck them.
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Yeah, I had to play the “cleaning up after people is not in my job description” card a few times before it stopped being expected of me as well. I have zero problem helping to clean up if everyone who was at the function is grabbing something to put away, but when people just wander away and leave a pile of leftovers / trash / dishes / whatever sitting out, I make damned sure I’m busy with some kind of very important imaginary conference call or something post-lunch. If I wanted to clean up after people, I’d have become a janitor. Or gone into child care.
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